My One Year Testimony

 

    I am a living testament to the power of God’s Grace and the help Narcotics Anonymous can give. Despite a turbulent past, I have overcome immense challenges and found my purpose in life.  I was immersed in a life of crime of every sort you could imagine; I did every drug known to man. I was involved in drug dealing with international drug ties, spent time behind bars, pimped out and sold women, and even dabbled in the occult. I did things most people would be ashamed to say they did. The darkness seemed endless, and hope felt like a distant dream. I felt I had lost my soul and I was merely existing.

    But everything changed when I encountered my higher power. As you will learn from my testimony... God moved mountains more than once and performed miracles to bring me to where I am today. His love and mercy broke through the chains of addiction and despair that once held me captive. Through faith... I found redemption, forgiveness, and a sense of purpose. God's grace and Narcotics Anonymous brought me out of the shadows and into the light.

  I had been addicted to drugs as a child. Yes, you heard me as a child. At the age of 9; I became addicted to opiates. A pediatrician prescribed me pain medication for ear infections. I loved how the pills made me not have to feel anything. After that, I started stealing my parent's narcotics. Both my parents were addicts. My mother was an alcoholic and pill popper. My father was diagnosed as dying due to his life choices about drugs. In 2006,  my father gave up on his life and ended up overdosing on oxycodone. My aunt sold her son when he was born for heroin. Then, she died having AIDs with a needle in her arm in an alley in New York. 

    At the age of 14, I started selling drugs. Most of my friends that I grew up with sold drugs, too. They ended up becoming major suppliers as we grew into adulthood. I started smoking crack cocaine when I turned 21. And from that point until I got clean in December 2008, I felt like I never stopped running. In 2008, I got tired of running 24 hours a day. My truck broke down and I was talking to someone online who suggested Narcotics Anonymous meetings to me. Before that I had never heard of NA. The next night I went to a NA meeting near my home. I ended up going to 90 meetings in 90 days and was clean for almost 2 and a half years. I was on an auto immune medicine and was being given lumbar blocks, it caused an abscess on my spine. At the time of surgery, the doctor told me I would have to be put on a dilaudid drip. I was terrified, but had no choice. Once released from the hospital, they prescribed me 6 oxycodone a day. And I relapsed. My boyfriend at the time was 23 years clean and I even started smoking dope in his house. I once again gave everything good in my life away. I felt as if I was lost for 5 years, but it really ended up being 10 years. 

    In 2019, I got set up by a drug dealer with a Felon with a Firearm charge. He set me up with a shotgun, then e-mailed the cops a picture of me with a glock. I was out on bond 5 months later and I was celebrating my birthday. The night of my birthday, I was so high that I went into a person's unlocked car and stole their purse. The next morning, I had 7 different drugs on me and my girlfriend’s son with me when I walked right through 8 cop cars. When I was about 2 blocks away, I saw the cops. I thought about leaving my drugs on the ground. But it was right in front of a school and I thought to myself… I did not want a kid to find these drugs and end up like me. They stopped to arrest me for revoking my bond on my gun charge, 4 fraud charges, and now 7 drug charges. I was now looking at 20+ years in state prison. A couple months before this arrest, one of my customers had murdered my neighbor and came directly to my house to buy drugs. So, when I went to court on my 12 felony charges I was only given a year and a day in prison, and had to testify that I sold drugs to the killer. This was the first time God saved me from a 20 year prison sentence. 

    Once I was released from prison, I was running again. I was always afraid of using heroin and fentanyl because of what happened to my aunt. However, due to long-term drug abuse, Once I tried heroin it was the only thing that made me feel high anymore. This is when my drug suppliers started dropping me off at detox. But every time I went to detox my goal was to just get off the fentanyl and heroin, but not the other drugs. Throughout the years I ended up trapping out my mother’s house. At one point people were even living on the roof. 

    On December 1, 2022, the house that I shared with my mother was raided. During the search, which was not fully conducted... I found out later that they had installed WiFi cameras. The police department had made two controlled buys on me. The police department had been watching me for years, trying to build a case on me. Because they knew I had been selling drugs for so long and everyone in Tampa associated me with drugs. That was the life I was leading towards the end of my addiction. I knew the minimum sentence for my charges was 20 years and accepted it. I started selling everything I owned and preparing to go to prison. For what I felt was going to be the rest of my life.

    In March 2022, I had been on suboxone for about 2 months when I was going through boxes in my room and found a gram of fentanyl. I knew I could not use it being on the suboxone, so I took myself off of it. I also knew my body did not have a tolerance to opiates anymore. So, I did very, very small amounts of fentanyl. By the second day of snorting the fentanyl, my heart stopped. My brother found me in the bathroom, purple with my head between the toilet and the wall. My mother and the EMS used narcan on me 6 times before I came back. This still did not make me want to stop using drugs!

    However, in a miraculous turn of events, God did something that would finally open up my eyes. God intervened, sparing me from a 20-year minimum sentence for a second time. He did something only God was capable of doing! God orchestrated my deliverance from the clutches of the legal system by the FDLE not having the test results on my "Intent to Sell" charges. In June, the judge would not extend my trial. When my lawyer called the week before my trial and told me the DA was reducing the paraphernalia charge to a misdemeanor and dropping the two felony intent-to-sell charges, I told her she must have had the wrong case. I was in shock! My lawyer told me, "If it had been any other courtroom... Any other judge would have extended my trial and waited for the test results." 

      It was a profound wake-up call that made me question my choices and the path I had been following. About two weeks after walking out of the courtroom with only a "Time Served" sentence, I admitted myself to a drug rehab facility.  God had taken the desire to use away from me. After the miracle of my not going to prison. I knew it had to be God; he must have had big plans for me. But I couldn't do anything until I got clean off drugs. My whole life I had been a functioning addict, but that last year I seemed to stop being able to take care of my responsibilities. I feel in my heart that God moved mountains to save me!

    I had begged my mom for four days to find me anywhere to go to detox. I knew I needed medical detox to get off the amount of drugs I was on.  This time was different because I fully surrendered and was willing to do anything I had to do to stop. My mom finally got a hold of Blackberry Hospital in St. Cloud, FL. They arranged to pick me up. Two hours later a woman named Michelle, was at my home to pick me up. I snorted my last $20 bag of fentanyl right before she arrived. Thinking like a drug addict, I thought leaving it would "waste" it. The first hour of the ride, I slept. The second hour, I threw up over and over. Michelle was calling Blackberry Hospital admissions every 5 minutes. Telling them I was doing very badly. When I finally got to Blackberry Hospital, I was told I had overdosed again. I arrived at the rehab hospital, then didn't remember much of what happened next. I do remember telling the director I felt like I wasn’t there in reality and my vision seemed weird. I remember her asking me if I heard the sirens coming. It felt like forever before the EMS got there, but I later found out it only took them 3 minutes. They had to give me Narcan. They saved my life and I was in bad shape. I spent two and a half days in the hospital.

   When I got back to BlackBerry, I took the first shower I had in over a week. I remember looking into the mirror and I looked like skin and bones. I was physically and emotionally drained. When I woke up the next morning, it felt like my legs were Jello and I was very thirsty. I made it to the water fountain and collapsed. They said I had used drugs in treatment. But no way! I had left Tampa to stop the drugs; I didn’t bring any drugs with me! They searched my room and my belongings, but of course, they didn’t find anything. On the first day, the therapist asked if I would consider going to a transitional home out of state. This was the first time in my life, I realized I did not have to go back home. 

     I graduated from BlackBerry Hospital and I was released to a strict transitional home. I was shocked back into society and it was more than I could handle. I started to withdraw from the Soboxone because I could not find a pharmacy to fill it. I ended up back at the hospital. The hospital ended up sending me to another detox facility in another city. This was the third city in three weeks! When I left this detox facility, I was supposed to go to a group home run by a woman, but all her beds were filled by the time I was released. Instead, I was released to a group home that ended up having drugs and drug dealers! Within an hour I walked off and left the group home. My mom happened to call the woman who ran the other group home. Two people had just happened to have left the group home. So, she had room for me!    A few days later, I was walking to the Dollar Store and looking on Google Maps. I found a church on the map. I went to their website and saw they had a bible study 30 minutes later! So, I hurried back to where I was staying, grabbed my Bible, and made it to the Bible study. I haven't left the church since that Tuesday Bible study. The pastor and I truly feel God sent me to that church.

    Throughout every moment of my journey, I have felt the divine presence of God guiding me. After only three months of sobriety, I was blessed with a place of my own. Even though I have managed to stay clean, I still face numerous battles. One particular day stands out in my memory. It was a Saturday, and I was returning home from my morning prayer session at the church. On my way, I stumbled upon a small baggie that contained drugs. Initially, I picked it up, recognizing that it wasn’t just an empty bag. However, the fear of my mind becoming obsessed with it and potentially leading me back to my old habits was overwhelming. I tore the bag open and discarded its contents. As I continued my walk home, I found solace in repeatedly uttering the phrase, “The blood of Jesus”. Despite my progress, I still deal with dreams of using and cravings. The past year has been particularly tough as I have lost more than ten friends to the tragic grip of overdoses. However, today, I am not alone in my fight. I rely on the valuable advice provided by Narcotics Anonymous and my unwavering faith in God to overcome these challenges. 

    My story serves as a powerful reminder that no matter how broken or lost someone may feel, there is always hope. I am proof that even in the darkest of times, there is a chance for transformation and a fresh, new start. Today, I seek to inspire and encourage others by sharing my testimony and spreading the message of hope and faith.

    Remember, no matter what you are going through, a brighter tomorrow is always waiting for you. After learning my story, you will know if Harmonee can make it through... Anyone can!