I was Unafraid to Die AGAIN

 

  

    I was addicted to drugs for a long time. But once I started using Fentanyl I went on a downward spiral. However, due to long-term drug abuse, it was the only thing that made me feel high anymore. Even though I knew it was killing me, I had tried to quit many times, but I always relapsed. Because every time I went to detox my goal was to just get off the fentanyl, but not the other drugs. This time was different because I fully surrendered. I was willing to do anything.

   I had begged my mom for four days to find me anywhere to go to detox. I knew I needed medical detox to get off the amount of drugs I was on. She finally got ahold of Blackberry Hospital in St. Cloud, FL. They arranged to pick me up. Two hours later a woman named, Michelle, was at my home to pick me up. I snorted my last $20 bag of fentanyl right before she arrived. Thinking like a drug addict, I thought leaving it would "waste" it. The first hour of the ride, I slept. The second hour, I threw up over and over. Michelle was calling Blackberry Hospital admissions every 5 minutes. Telling them I was doing very badly. When I finally got to Blackberry Hospital, I was told I had overdosed again. I arrived at the rehab hospital, then don’t remember much of what happened next. I do remember telling the director I felt like I wasn’t there in reality and my vision seemed weird. I remember her asking me if I heard the sirens coming. It felt like forever before the EMS got there, but I later found out it only took them 3 minutes. They had to give me Naloxone, the antidote for opiate overdose. They saved my life, but I was still in bad shape. I spent two and a half days in the hospital.

   When I got back to BlackBerry, I took the first shower I had in over a week. I remember looking into the mirror and I looked like skin and bones. I was physically and emotionally drained. When I woke up the next morning, it felt like my legs were Jello and I was very thirsty. I made it to the water fountain and collapsed. They said I had used drugs in treatment. But no way! I had left Tampa to stop the drugs; I didn’t bring any drugs with me! They searched my room and my belongings, but of course, they didn’t find anything. On the first day, the therapist asked if I would consider going to a transitional home out of state. This was the first time in my life, I realized I did not have to go back home. 

     I graduated from BlackBerry Hospital and I was released to a strict transitional home. I was shocked back into society and it was more than I could handle. I started to withdraw from the Soboxone because I could not find a pharmacy to fill it. I ended up back at a hospital. The hospital ended up sending me to another detox facility in another city. This was the third city in three weeks! When I left this detox facility, I was supposed to go to a group home run by a woman, but all her beds were filled by the time I was released. Instead, I was released to a group home that ended up having drugs and drug dealers! Within an hour I walked off and left the group home. My mom happened to call the woman who ran the other group home. Two people had just happened to of left the group home. So, she had room for me!    A few days later, I was walking to the Dollar Store and looking on Google Maps. I found a church on the map. I went to their website and saw they had a bible study 30 minutes later! So, I hurried back to where I was staying grabbed my Bible, and made it to the Bible study. I haven't left the church since that Tuesday Bible study. The pastor and I truly feel God sent me to that church.

    I am still in recovery! I attended over 3 months of group therapy. Which I found very helpful in the success of my recovery. I’m taking medication to ease my cravings and prevent relapse.  I’m sharing my story to raise awareness and help others who are struggling with addiction. I survived... But only because of God. Thank you for reading my blog post. I hope it was helpful. If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to leave them below. I appreciate your feedback and support.